You are always evolving.
Okay, this blog post made me cry...in a great way. My friend Kristin is this week's guest blogger, and I'm thrilled to share her writing with you. It's real and honest. I've always known Kristin as a free spirit...an adventurous woman with big goals. Now? She's still an adventurous woman with big goals...it just might not look exactly the same. And that's stunningly beautiful.
The background: I've asked a few women to write guest posts for our Grounded Goodness blog, by answering this question: "What is one thing you would like women to know, right now?" Here is Kristin's response!
Is that one line I see, or is it two? One for sure, yup. There’s the second one I think, but it’s so faint that I’m sure my eyes are playing tricks on me. I blink hard twice, open my eyes and look back. Still not sure. I walk away and come back in a few minutes. Yes. No. I don’t know. My stomach is going crazy with excited butterflies because this is something I’ve been wanting my whole life – every since I was 5 and playing house with 5 babies and a pretend career in advertising. But then the excited butterflies turn to nervous anticipation. Wait. If this is real, then holy cow – this is permanent. There’s no changing my mind, no take backs. Is this what I want? Am I ready? Shiiiiiiit.
It’s confirmed. Two lines. I’m pregnant! My husband and I celebrate by doing a little dance around the house. The next few days are a blur. We’ve always wanted kids and had decided a year ago that the time was right. It’s funny how divine timing works...even though we had sort of tried for a year, I was in school as well as working full time and it wasn’t until two weeks after school finished that BAM. Here we are. In the few weeks that follow I go through a mixture of relief to know that I am pregnant, confusion because I don't ‘feel’ pregnant, and a bit of disorientation because now that I have a little human brewing, I'm not sure who I am anymore.
Looking back, I had expected to feel elated throughout my pregnancy. But in those first few weeks I had a tough time wrapping my head around everything that was taking place that I couldn’t see. I was still me, but I wasn’t. It was a new reality that I knew nothing about; at times I felt like I was a bystander looking at me, as I didn’t quite feel comfortable in my skin. What was going on? This was what I had always wanted, so why wasn’t I shouting from the rooftops?
My answer (not that it’s right or wrong, so take it how you will), is that we are always evolving. We are not meant to be one dimensional beings with one path in this life. Things change. We change. And sometimes it takes time to get used to that change. As I worked my way through those early weeks and settled into this ‘new’ me, I became more comfortable in my skin again. One day, as I sat by myself, I found myself smiling this huge silly grin full of contentment. I felt fulfilled. I am going to be a mom! I realized I’ve never felt more like myself. And now those kicks and flutters and rolls in my belly are a part of my day that I so look forward to. I can’t imagine them not being there.
In a few short weeks this baby will be born and I will again be in an evolution of trying to figure out how to keep this little human alive, happy, and thriving. I will also be figuring out how to keep my own spark alive. But for today I revel in the space that I have created for myself - within myself - to Just Be. And in moments that I feel lost, I know I can count on my tribe to remind me of who I am.
My message for you is to create space for you. Release expectations. Let yourself feel what you feel in the moment. If things don’t look like what you thought they would, that’s okay. Because they may end up even better than what you had in mind.
Kristin's due date is in the beginning of May! Join me in sending her supportive thoughts as she evolves into this new stage in her life. :)
Want more of Kristin? Find her on Instagram! Word on the street is that she'll be hosting retreats and doing consulting work in the near future...you'll want to start following her shenanigans now! I'm proud to call her my friend, and I know you will be too. Thank you Kristin!