Goodness Blog

Ugly crying, and remembering to breathe...

(this photo was at kilometer ~4.  Little did I know, I did not 'have this.')

 

I wasn't nervous.  Before my 10km race yesterday, for the Melfort Multi-K.  I wasn't nervous at all.  

'I've done this so many times, this distance.  I've got this.  It's no biggie,' I thought.

I should have known.

 

Around the 7km mark, I lost it.  I felt so heavy and drained - physically, emotionally, mentally.  I felt as though there were 50 pound weights on my legs, that I could not shake off.

I wanted to cry.  But I couldn't cry.  Because you know what happens when you start crying WHILE you're exercising?  In my experience, you end up hyperventilating and then you're SCREWED.  Forget about running any more.  And there was no way I wanted to be a medical call in my local race.  Hell, no.  

 

I told my sister Adrienne: "I need to walk.  I feel like I can't breathe."  I could feel myself starting to panic.

She stopped to walk with me, even though she was doing fine.  And because she's intuitive, she checked in on me.  She said: "Repeat after me: I give myself permission to surrender."

So I repeated it: "I give myself permission to surrender."

I started crying.  Like, ugly crying.  Thankfully the running crowd had thinned out at that point.  I stopped and bent over, in an emotional mess.  Another runner came up behind us and all I could think was: "Keep going, don't ask how I'm doing, it's just a cramp...'

I let the heaviness out.  You see, it's been a challenging couple of weeks, and months.  When so many parts of my life are full, there are other parts that I'm really, really struggling with.

Then we started running again.  I felt SO much lighter, and my running pace picked up considerably.  This only lasted for a kilometer, but hey!  I finished.

 

The point?  

It's okay to let yourself crumble.  To have a panic attack, even at a time when it's not particularly convenient (grocery store?  Why not?). 

It's okay to ask for help.  To ask someone to walk beside you.  

Because there is so much strength in that.

 

The irony?  

We had provided 'Remember to breathe' decals to the runners, as part of our sponsorship.  So when I saw that some runners had put them on the backs of their shirts (like this awesome girl did), as a form of encouragement for the runner behind them?  I had to laugh.  Because don't you love it when you need to take your own advice?  I needed to 'remember to breathe.'  I did my best at breathing, from there on out.

Lots of love and sweaty hugs,

Amanda

 

Photos by Adrienne Perrot

  • Grounded Goodness says...

    Hi everyone! I’m not able to reply to your comments directly at this time, but I appreciate all of the feedback and comments and ‘me too’ love. Thank you so very much for taking time to comment. I appreciate it so much.

    Hugs,
    Amanda

    On Sep 18, 2016

  • Judi says...

    Just wanted to let you know that prior to the start line, I didn’t know if I was going to switch to the 5K or stay in the 10K (struggles in my life this summer too). I remained in the 10K , thanks to listening to an MP3 recording on confidence by Brian Johnson on my way in to Melfort. I saw your sign, not once but twice, and it helped to give me strength. Like your “breathe” stickers, you never know where you might get some inspiration. Thank you for your part in my race!

    On Sep 18, 2016

  • Brenda says...

    That question mark is supposed to be a smiley!

    On Sep 18, 2016

  • Brenda says...

    Me too. Today. In a fancy hotel foyer. My family saved me. I am grateful to read this and feel the comfort of ‘Me too’. ?

    On Sep 18, 2016

  • Henry Jespersen says...

    You persevered and finished. Awesome.

    On Sep 18, 2016

Leave a comment