It’s okay to want what you want.
“Do you think it’s because your niece passed away, that you don’t want kids?”
Whoa. A friend recently asked me this, over coffee. I didn’t expect the blunt question, so I kind of stumbled through the answer.
“Um. Maybe? I’m not sure. To be honest, I’m just not sure that I’ve ever wanted kids. But maybe? Fear of losing them, like we lost my niece...hmm...maybe? Uhhhh.”
I could hear myself fumbling, trying to find an explanation as to why I hadn’t had kids yet. I felt awkward. Lacking. Weird.
But I totally get it. It’s normal to be curious about people that aren’t like you. That don’t want the same things as you. (And to be honest, I totally ask these types of blunt questions too. Subtle is not my middle name. Eve is.)
So why do we ask these questions?
Part of it is about trying to understand (‘But why? I need a logical answer so I can process why you would choose no kids.’). Part of it is about facing your own insecurities (‘Maybe I don’t actually want kids either, shit. But I’ve got like, two of them already.’).
But at the end of the day, the questions don’t matter. They really don’t.
Because as much as we try to work it through our beautiful heads, the reasons also don’t matter.
What matters is that we are true to ourselves.
What matters is that we know it’s okay to simply want what we want.
Now, I know that my not having kids really has nothing to do with my niece’s passing. It has to do with just not wanting them right now (ever? I’m not sure.). And that’s okay.
If you want kids, cool. If you want no kids, cool. If you want to be married, cool. If you don’t want to be married, cool. If you want to have an open relationship, cool. If you want to sleep with 400 people by the time you’re 35, cool. If you’re a virgin until you’re 35, cool. If you want to quit your job and raise honeybees, cool. (That last one threw you off, didn’t it?)
At the end of the day: It. Doesn’t. Matter.
Be cool with what you choose. And who knows? It might change. (Who knows? I don’t have kids now, but maybe in 5 years I’ll have 2 sets of twins with a billionaire. Or with a homeless guy. But the fun part? It doesn't matter.)
Isn’t that awesome? And freeing?
Over to you, my friend: have you ever felt weird for wanting what you want? Your job, your lifestyle, your hairstyle even? At some point, we’ve all felt weird for wanting what we want...as always, I would be thrilled and delighted if you shared it with me, and with our community, in the comments below.
Because remember...it’s okay to want what you want.