Goodness Blog

In any moment, you get two choices.

Here I am, lying awake. It's 3am.

I kick my blankets off, as it's too hot. Ugh, I always go to bed cold and wake up hot.

As I lie there, my mind takes a trip through a range of topics: finances, family, friends.

I start to notice that every one of these thoughts is based around this theme: I'm not enough.

'I'm not financially smart enough. I don't have enough savings.'

'I don't spend enough time with my nieces and nephew. I'm not a good aunt.'

'I'm not pretty enough for that man to text me back.'

I'm not even sh*tting you. These are the thoughts that usually run through my head at night. Sound familiar?

(Mind you, thoughts at night should be taken with a grain of salt. They're mostly not rational, especially in the light of day. But you don't remember this when you're in the middle of it.)

Then it hits me: f*ck this.

I speak about being kind to one's self all the time. And in this moment, I'm not being kind to myself.

And then it becomes clear, like a cloud drifting away to uncover beautiful stars and the moon ('cause it's nighttime, and I like cheesy metaphors):

In any moment, we get two choices: 1) be a dick to ourselves, or 2) be kind to ourselves. That's it. There are no other options.


Night sky with clouds dissipating to show stars

(This is what it was like when this clarity hit me: clouds clearing. The veil had lifted.)


In the above examples, I am absolutely, 100%, being a dick to myself.

'Well, how can I be kind to myself then? Like, legit kind?' I ask myself, as I put one leg back under the covers, and listen to the water softener start to cycle.

It's a bit difficult at first, I'm not gonna lie. I think: 'Well, these thoughts might work: 'I'm just doing my best,' or 'I'm still learning,' as they relate to finances, family, friends.'

But these thoughts fall short; they're another (more subtle way) of beating yourself up.

Then I think these thoughts:

'I can't screw this up. Everything is perfectly timed.'

'I know what's best for me, in any given moment.'

'I can trust myself, completely.'

Yes. That's better.

These thoughts feel so much better. Kinder. But also more empowering. Feisty, even.

And the reality? I am doing well financially. My friends and family love me, and I love them right back. We just tell ourselves awful stories.

In that moment as I lie in my bed, I choose to be kinder to myself in any given moment. It won't be perfect, as I'll fall back into old patterns. But now I know that I can be aware of my dickish nature, and choose differently.

As my bed cradles me and I wiggle my toes against the soft sheets, working this all out (you could see the gears turning in my head), this simple mindset shift brings feelings of quiet, peace, and calm. And you know what's a great result of that? Falling back asleep, as I soon find out. Like, drool-all-over-the-pillow sleep.


Cozy bed for good sleeping

I'm sharing this with you, because if you've read this far, you likely are a dick to yourself too. And it's okay. It's just a matter of choosing kinder thoughts, in any given moment. 

I will if you will. Because we're all in this together. And we are definitely enough.

Hugs to you,

P.S. Leave a comment below if this post created any 'a-ha' moments for you. While I can't reply directly to your comment (we're still sorting out the comments section), your insight might help others reading this post!

If you're reading this via email or social media, feel free to reply/comment there - we'd be thrilled to hear from you. Thank you. Sending you tons of sleepy (and happy) love.

Amanda from Grounded Goodness


  • Linda Scott says...

    Guilty of self negativity. No idea why. Have been working on correcting myself quickly with a positive thought…not perfect yet,,but a work in motion. Also doing much better at sending kind thought to idiot drivers…like ..may that driver be safe. Thanks for sharing,& reading my message…well,I hope you do?

    On Jan 24, 2018

  • Erin says...


    On Jan 23, 2018

  • Jade says...

    Deeply, honestly, beautiful. Thank you for realizing the humanness within, and for feeling the compassion enough to share. Aah how wonderful it is to feel, and to have the freedom to set our focus.
    Great love to you- and extra tight juicy hugs!!

    On Jan 23, 2018

  • Stephanie says...

    This is so perfect for me today. I had a counseling session yesterday, as I am feeling like I have been giving too much of myself to others and depleting my own worth. I have a lot on the go with school, work and jobs that I “volunteer” for. All for the greater good, of course. Experience, networking and some are paid gigs. But at what cost? Reading your blog this morning cemented what my counselor was trying to tell me yesterday. The actual person in our head, thrown upon this very large, unattainable (sometimes) pedestal. The perfect, emotionally balanced, fit and fabulous self. The reality is the person struggling with the negative self-talk, and running the hamster wheel, out of steam. The difficult place is the expanse of the area in between what we think should be our reality and the perception of what we think others see. Closing that gap is where we find our truth. This is my journey in 2018. To close the gap and remove the blinders, too welcome my authentic self.
    XOXO Stephanie

    On Jan 23, 2018

  • Angella says...

    I don’t understand why it comes so naturally (to some) to be a dick to ourselves. We would never say/do these things to other people, yet say it to ourselves. You grow up learning to think before you say things, but it’s also important to “think” before we think things about ourselves. I am often guilty of being my own worst enemy. Thanks for the heads up this morning. I will try to make a conscious effort to be a nicer person to everyone, including myself.
    P.S. Night time thoughts are rarely positive or productive. It’s really best to kick some grass over that shit and start fresh in the morning. ?

    On Jan 23, 2018

  • Adrienne says...

    Love the imagery and I can totally (176%) relate! Thank you for writing and sharing! ?

    On Jan 23, 2018

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