F*ck "good vibes only."
Heck yes! Tiffany - this week's guest blogger - is feisty and wise. This post is an important read...it's making me look at my tendency to put my head in the sand. And if a blog post can make you look at your sh*t - in a kind way - then it's a success.
The background: I've asked a few women to write guest posts for our Grounded Goodness blog, by answering this question: "What is one thing you would like women to know, right now?" Here is Tiffany's response!
Fuck “good vibes only.” Yeah, I said it. (Welcome, dear reader, to my feisty brand of opinions. I swear I’m not a dick; I just get fired up about fairness and doing the right thing.)
So, here’s the thing, if you came upon a fire of some kind, how would you handle it?
- Dump whatever fuel you had—in your pockets, in your car—on the fire.
- Shrug and tell yourself it wasn’t your problem, then carry on to wherever you were headed.
- Try to put the fire out or call someone to help.
Since you’re here, on a website dedicated to spreading goodness, I bet you answered C. You’re going to do something to help. You’re not going to make a bad situation worse, and you know that ignoring the bad situation is ultimately going to make it worse, too.
And from where I sit, a mantra of “good vibes only” is just ignoring a bad situation. That’s not to say we shouldn’t seek out good whenever and wherever we can, but that can’t be the only goal.
If we are trying to filter our lives to only the good stuff, we’re in trouble. And if we succeed? We’re all screwed. Because if we can eliminate all the bad stuff from our lives, three things are true:
- We are enormously privileged.
- We deny or ignore that privilege.
- We will never grow or improve.
Growth and improvement take change, and change means discomfort and distinctly bad vibes. Becoming a better person and making a better world mean admitting we have faults and failures (uncomfortable) and then doing the work to improve (sooooo uncomfortable). This is not a pretty process. No one is standing in a field of wildflowers, arms outstretched, head tilted to the sky, enthusiastically declaring “I screwed up! It’s my fault and I need to fix it!”
Where I think we stumble in this situation is missing the connection that ignoring the bad will ultimately make it worse. Social media is a perfect place to examine this (mmmm, angry Facebook rants and Twitter rage served up 280 characters at a time). But I’ve found that if we look at social media with our eyes wide open and through a critical lens, we are going to find a huge range of experiences and perspectives. Perspectives that didn’t have a platform before the internet. Perspectives that we need to hear. Perspectives that hurt us to hear.
There are a lot of people who are—key-word alert—justifiably angry, hurt, and frustrated. They still deserve to be heard, and I mean really heard.
Shutting ourselves off from our full range of emotions is a disservice to ourselves, and to the world around us. The truth hurts sometimes, but we still need to hear it, to actively embrace it: in the name of a better us, a better world, a better future. Now those are the kinds of good vibes I’m here for.
Want more of Tiffany's brilliance? Check out her website, and find her on Instagram. On a professional level, Tiffany is an incredible writer and editor (she's editing my upcoming book!), and I trust her work implicitly. On a personal level, Tiffany frequently reminds me to look at my shit - in a very kind way - and I'm ridiculously grateful for that kind of no-BS friendship. Be sure to follow Tiffany and the waves she's making!